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28 January 2017 @ 11:13 pm
TWITL – week four 2017  

all this time
I didn’t know
you would be the one
every glance
a mystery
until the moment
we touched
did you forget
as I did
to breath
to think
to speak
did you freeze
while the spark lit
a fire deep within
unlocking a different beat
to your heart
all this time
we didn’t know
we were meant to be
the mystery unfolding
the moment we touched

The fangirl adoration for Simon Kassianides continues. I’m doing the slow re-watch of Agents of SHIELD and remembering how much I enjoyed it when we were watching it during its broadcast run. But how did I not notice Simon the first time? It’s so strange remembering almost all the episodes so far that I’ve watched but not remembering him. How did he slip from my notice? I have no explanation at all but it does make re-watching the show interesting… I am still trying to figure out when I started following him on Instagram as well as WHY. Why did I start following him? I seriously have no idea. Usually I can trace back to the beginning of my fangirl regard but with him, I’m drawing a blank. It’s rather fascinating. Have I been following him for years and didn’t realize it? I really don’t know…

Simon Kassianides in Agents of SHIELD
Simon on Agents of SHIELD

It was Greg Lee’s birthday this week! Too bad he doesn’t read his twitter. READ YOUR TWITTER GREG! Also, it’s been EIGHTEEN years since I took this picture with Dean O’Gorman, Ryan Gosling, and Joel Tobeck:

me and the boys, 1999

Go on, say it– I’m old. LOL I actually took that picture with the boys on Greg’s birthday, when he turned 26. Cripes, we’re all OLD! Anyway, still adore all the boys, of course. Oh, and Ryan has been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor for LA LA LAND. Joyous!

FANGIRL FAILS

So, I didn’t win that contest to go up to Sacramento to see Jacob Davis perform for local radio station BUT one of my fellow Squadies and her boyfriend did win. They had extra tickets (they both got two each) and I could have been one of the ticketholders but I wimped out because I’m not adventurous enough. Alas. To be fair, I did find out towards the end of my work day and I had wanted to give my boss some notice and it wouldn’t have really been enough if I had told him late in the afternoon. But I think I could have swung it. I ended up turning on the livestream of it and Jacob and the guys were so good! I was glad I could have it on and lo, the work phone actually didn’t ring for the whole set. Glorious!

Not seeing Jacob meant that I could leave work early on Friday to go see Tyler Rich at Rohnert Park. But again, because I’m not adventurous enough, I decided not to go. I could say I saved some money (because I would have had to stay the night because I wasn’t going to drive back home after 1 AM in the morning after a Friday night) but really, I am too wimpy about driving that far a distance even though I pretty much know most of the way out there. I just couldn’t rev myself enough to go alone and that’s on me. I think if he’s out at RP again soon, I’m going to just do it and go. Otherwise, I truly SUCK. But at least I know he still knows I love him. I do, I really do!

FAMILY

My niece recently joined the army and she’s in training right now. I’ve been writing her letters because 1) I like to write letters and 2) she’s currently disconnected from the online world (which might be a blessing at this point). I set my letter out for the mail carrier today and when I checked the mail later, I found a letter from my niece! It was so good to hear from her! I love getting letters. I’m glad she’s learning and training and I’m really so proud of her. 🙂

THE THINGS I USUALLY DON’T POST

I’m not one to give into fear, especially to circumstances in which I have no control. I don’t talk politics because even though I consider myself middle of the road in many things, I know I’m probably more liberal leaning than anything. I like to think I can see both sides but recent days have really brought my soul some struggle. I don’t want to linger in it for too long because the despair just eats and eats all the light but I know I must feel it and hopefully come out of it with some kind of purpose.

We are starting to move beyond politics. We need to view our current state of being as humans with morals. If you call yourself a Christian, how has this week been treating your resolve? If you voted for our current president, how do you feel about each time he signs his name to these orders? I’m curious and I want know every side. Part of me wonders if he’s wreaking this chaos as a distraction from other things. Or is he merely making good on the promises he made so that people can say, “Well, at least he tried.” If this is the case, what kind of fallout can we expect?

Here’s what I know– I was born and raised here but both my parents are immigrants. They were born in another country. My grandfather brought his family here after serving in the US Army. My father went to the Philippines, met my mother, married her, and brought here after they got married. I speak perfect English but even I, a Californian born and bred, just recently had a perfectly easy conversation with someone who joked, “Where are you from?” It was a joke and meant as such and I laughed and rolled my eyes. But it made me sigh inside because why would someone say something like that to me? It’s because for some reason, no matter how naively I’ve gone through this world as an American, there are people out there who look at me and think it’s okay to say, “Where are you from?” Not, “Where did you grow up?” Not, “What part of California did you grow up?” No, it’s “Where are you from?” even though I speak English and was born and raised here. How do I answer that? If I go at face value, I say I was born in Oakland and raised in San Leandro. But I know that they are really asking about my ethnicity. As if it matters. Because heaven forbid I’m just American. I can’t be just American. I have to be something-American.

Most of the time it doesn’t bother me. Most of the time I go along my merry way as an American woman who listens to country music and jazz, likes British tv shows and rugby and baseball. Most of the time I’m just me writing stories only few will read. But sometimes things happen in the world that remind me that I’m not just me. People look at me and judge and perhaps have these preconceived notions about me before I open my mouth. Most of the time people are awesome and polite and kind. But sometimes there’s a moment that reminds me that there are people out there who will look at me, ask me where I’m from, and not be satisfied when I say I was born and raised here. As if it matters.

I will not go in fear. I will feel this despair and helplessness then I will let it go. I hope for clarity. I hope for purpose even if it’s just to live my life as I did yesterday. I will draw upon the love in my soul and remember my greatest lesson was in patience. Perhaps I will not shout but leave it to whispers. For now…

Originally published at Kiari's Corner. You can comment here or there.